Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Twin parenting - the challenges and the joys

Twin parenting has some unique challenges. Parenting any child is a monumental task!


Effective positive discipline is so important to raising happy and healthy children. Twins are no different , although you may find your patience doubly-tested, or two completely different personalities to deal with, where one technique works great with one twin, but not at all for the other.

Traveling with twins can be double the fun (or maybe not!)

You'll need support from friends and family!

Why we love twins



There is added stress and a big learning curve as they may tag-team you to test your limits ! Make sure you are taking time for yourself on a daily basis. Make yourself a priority as well If mom's not OK the whole family can fall apart!

There are so many issues to deal with when it comes to twin parenting! Maybe you're concerned with toxins and 'going green' or organic for your twins. Organic Baby Resource is a practical guide to organic baby care. Discover articles about the benefits of organic baby food, skin care, clothing, diapering and more.
Maybe you have some normal concerns about discipline and guiding your children. Dealing with two acting out children at the same time can be overwhelming !

Maybe you're dealing with one or both twins having a disability of some kind. Raising disabled twins is even more of a challenge.

One important difference with twin parenting is to try and not make comparisons. We need to be careful with that as it sets up expectations. Even while I was pregnant I was already deciding which baby slept more, which kicked more. My kids had already decided that the 'girl 'baby was for my daughter and the 'boy' baby was for my son. Twins grow up feeling like they are part of a connecting set - yet they are two whole, complete individuals. When twins are monozygotic - or 'identical' it is more likely that they have a stronger interconnection with each other. ( My twins are fraternal boy and girl. For the purpose of this site I have researched and interviewed parents of identical twins for some perspective. )

Our duty with twin parenting is to help our children develop their independence. Twins have a special attachment to each other which makes this a little different. Raising one year old twins starts to get busy as they are on the move now!

Around age 2 when children normally start to develop their sense of self - twin children have to see themselves as separate from their parents and from each other. Twins are shaped by the unique bonds that they share with each other as well as how we as parents raise them . A lot of twin parenting is how we respect and nurture that bond.

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Twin parenting, individuality and the 'bond'
I feel it is important to emphasize individuality - right from the beginning. People who ask always about the 'twins' or about the 'babies' are answered with "Sally is learning to crawl and Sam stood up today."

Names are important to show each as a unique person. Twins are as varied as singleton children. Some wish to be as different as possible and others try to avoid competition and not be different. The differences are more apparent with the twins who are not alike in appearance.

Just wait till you're potty training them !



The best thing I've ever read about twins was from a lady who said "I've never known loneliness". Isn't that amazing? Twins enjoy a close relationship right from their time in the womb. Twin babies ( twinfants) learn to crawl together, nurse and eat together, play and snuggle together ! They follow each other and learn to help and share. They learn from each other - as one masters a skill the other tries. They are truly fascinating to watch. They always have each other for company so for transitions like when mom and dad go out, or bedtime, they always have each other and seem to have much less separation anxiety. They sleep through each other's noise ( which I found so incredible when they were little - one would scream and the other wouldn't even flinch ). They have always been together. Twin parenting means you're a little bit on the outside looking in. You may find some sibling rivalry too.

This little team of two has been together since conception. This gives them a head start on being social little beings ! The bond created between them creates comfort for them as they always have a companion. Even as newborn infants we found if we separated them in the bassinette - there was far more protesting and fussing - if we snuggled them up together they were fine. Twins will hug each other, suck each others fingers, and reach for each other. As parents we let them stay close to each other as much as possible. The one night I spent in hospital after giving birth to them was absolutely miserable as it was 'hospital policy' to put the babies in separate basinettes. Each time I would put them together they would fall asleep and the nurses would come in and split them up again and they'd be screaming. They take care of each other - even as they grow up , they would bring each other things, call mommy for help if needed, and crawl into each other's cribs once able.



It's very interesting to watch the roles within our twins shift back and forth. It's like they are experimenting with the balance in their relationship. A lot of twin parenting in the beginning is just sitting back and watching the relationship form. We have seen as one is the leader and the other the follower, one being a bully and the other a victim, sometimes an equal balance and lots of shifting between the two of them .

Even though they have shared space since being born , they still have to learn to share their toys just like all children do ! As they start to become unique individuals , their preferences for toys, colors , spots at the table etc become defined for them. At our home they have decided on the pink and blue theme - if it's blue - it's Cody's - anything pink - Amy's - although this gets difficult with another daughter wanting the pink things ! Then yellow comes into play - but the twins defined this themselves - probably due to the way most baby blankets, toys etc are colored in one or the other.

Twin talk

Many twins develop their own way of communicating with each other when they're little. We called it twin talk - one baby would babble something in an alien language and the other twin would get up , walk down the hall, come back with a favorite toy or blanket and give it to the other one. They would both seem quite pleased. It went on until they really seemed to have more of a handle on speaking in general. They are almost 3 years old as I write this and I haven't seen the private twin talk that they had as babies in a while. It was fun to watch but I was glad to be able to see their language develop normally. I'd imagine it would be very tricky to be parenting twins who had their own secret language as teenagers !

Some twins continue with this secret language as well as using forms of non-verbal language between the two of them. It is something they choose to do - and it is more frequently seen in monozygotic pairs. Go to Twin Types for more information



Most twins share their bond throughout their lives. It is often more intense than that of a mother and child or husband and wife and has been described as the closest of all bonds. Twinship is especially strong in identical twins who usually remain extremely close through their whole adult lives as well. They are more attached to each other than friendship would indicate. To be able to be successful at twin parenting, I think you do need to take into consideration the bond that exists there - separate from the parents. I feel that bond comes first, and then the bond with the parents which is different yet just as necessary.
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